I'm a Bad Mother

Remember how I touched on chemo brain a few posts back and I said that I thought it was contagious?

Well, I did the most horrific thing to date on Friday. After I dropped my mom off at her house (following her blood work), I decided to bring home some take-out. I just got up feeling tired on Friday and really not in the mood to cook when I got home.

My husband, James and I, have two dogs. We thought before we committed to raising another life for eighteen years, we should start slow and see if we could keep a dog healthy and happy. Now we each have a strong bond with a specific dog. My dog, Ryker tends to stay near me, while Ruger is spoiled rotten by my husband.

Usually when I get home, the front door opens and out come my boys to great me. And after a few minutes, we all go back into the house. Well, on Friday, as I worked my way into the kitchen, I assumed that my boys were behind me. As I worked my way to the dining room, with take-out in hand, I noticed a black tail go past the front window.

I distinctly remember thinking to myself, “What idiot would let their dog run loose in the neighborhood?” As I put dinner on the table, I walked towards the window and saw the tail go by again, but this time I noticed a red collar around a very familiar face – It was our boy! I had closed the front door on my husband’s dog, Ruger!

Now, let’s just say that if anything happened to that dog while it was in my care, I might as well move out and leave no forwarding address.

But thankfully, when I opened the front door and called his name, bouncing through the door he came. I felt so bad for actually forgetting to make sure that he had come in that I spent fifteen minutes apologizing to this dog. Of course, he had no clue what I was saying, but after a few squeezes of his favorite squeaky ball …all was forgiven.

There are days when I am amazed that I put my shoes on the correct feet!


(These are my boys ...my husband is the one in the middle, Ryker is on the left and Ruger is to the right - it's such a handsome little family!)

She's a Keeper

Friday was blood work day – woohoo…my mom so looks forward to that! Since she is still being treated for that pesky DVT (no signs of blockage, but they usually treat for a few months after as a precaution), we have blood drawn every week to monitor the counts/levels. Not to mention, low counts is a side effect of radiation, so we want to make sure that we have good levels before Monday.

The nurse that came to take my mom back and draw her blood was very sweet. Now it takes my mom a few minutes to “get her sea legs” once she stands up and the nurse put her arm out to give my mom some stability and off they went.

When they came around the corner a few minutes later and the nurse tried to hand her off to me, I told her …”Sorry all sales are final, no refunds or exchanges!”

Just kidding people! My mom had a great day and her blood counts were high– they are all doing their job and circling the wagon, gearing up for Monday.

Her hair is even starting to sprout. Oh wait …I forgot….hair was one of my new Italian words for the day. So…I should say that her i cappeli is starting to sprout. ;)

Our Ritual

So my mom and I have this ritual and it’s been going on for at least 3 months. Whenever she has a treatment or doctor’s appointment (more often than not) we stop for lunch, ice cream, coffee, shopping, whatever. She says it’s her way of doing something for me since I give up so much of my time – whatever mom! But there is no fighting her on this – chemo or not, she can still take her shoe off and smack me up side the head!

Now, we’ve been to some places that have really grown on her: Pei Wei Asian Diner, Snuffer’s (the cheddar cheese fries alone can cure what ails you) and Paciugo for Italian gelato and since her treatments are not everyday, I can still button my pants! When radiation starts, we’ll probably make Starbucks Coffee our ritual.

SO we are sitting in Pei Wei today and she looks over at me and looks a bit concerned. I asked her what was wrong. And she told me she was going to miss being with me all the time. Since, I am not the type to miss a golden opportunity to use my sharp wit … I told her, “I hear you …I’m going to miss all these free lunches. I may have to start cruising the neighborhood for old people who need a ride. This could be a pretty lucrative side business.”

That’s twice I have made her shoot soda out of her nose – it’s all in a days work!

Seriously, I told her that we would still do lunches as often as she wanted to and as long as I could comfortably button my pants! :)

The moral of this story, as I have said before, cancer sucks, but I have to say that I have enjoyed the time I have gotten to be with my mom and the opportunity to make her shoot carbonated beverages out of her nose. Her cancer has given us yet another gift, the ability to spend a lot of time together not just as mother and daughter, but as friends.

Life is good!

I Could Have Been a Doctor

Yeah…right…I already confessed that I am a sympathetic puker! But I got the greatest compliment from Dr. Macko (my mom’s radiologist) today.

She pulled me aside in the hall and asked if I had a background in medicine!? At first, I thought she was going to finish the sentence with “then hush and let me do my job”, but she said the way I rattled off my mom’s chemo drugs, blood counts and treatment plan so far, she figured that I had a background in medicine!

I told her, absolutely not. I have just been listing very astutely since August to what each and every doctor has said and filed it into my little brain box! She said she was very impressed.

Of course the way my mom perked-up and grinned, you would have thought I had a degree in medicine. And to think, when she first had surgery I thought I was doing good to mimic a Candy Striper!

Just goes to show … how important it is to pay attention and ask questions. It makes you a better cancer supporter.

She Radiates

Today was our radiation “meet and greet” with Dr. Macko – who happens to be a very sweet woman …again, compassionate and caring as well as knowledgeable.

We spent at least 5 hours with her. The first few hours were the standard question and answer session followed by what to expect from the radiation.

Since my mom went through radiation back in 1998 when she had breast cancer, this is a place in our journey that she is familiar with. While there are a lot of things to know, its’ not as much as with the chemo and the side affects are not as prevalent.

The big thing will be tiredness. They say it takes a year to fully recovery from the surgery and I am sure that the body is still a little out of what from the chemo.

Good news is that we only have to do 25 treatments. They initially predicted 33, but I learned an interesting thing today. They base the length of radiation of the part of the body/organ they are targeting. They now exactly how many treatments an area can take before you (for lack of a better word) over cook it.

We start on Monday, January 8th and pretty much go non-stop, every week, until mid-February. Since this is winter in Texas, if we get a round of bad weather and miss a day, they tack it on at the end – kind of like a radiation snow day!

Of course, I did tell mom that I could stand her in front of the microwave, with the door open, and set the timer…I mean if it’s good enough to cook a potato than its good enough for my mom! (I’m kidding of course.)

Mom got her markings today. They basically lay you on a giant wooden bed, take x-rays and mark the precise spots with a Sharpie and tattoo ink exactly where the radiation beams will hit each and every time. It’s pretty interesting how they can pinpoint the exact placement and while it took almost an hour to mark her up, this will make her actual treatments go much quicker.

They are going to radiate four sides (front, back and both sides) for a few minutes each. They expect each treatment to last about 30 minutes from the time we get her situated to the time we walk out the door – not bad!

So mom is going to relax around the house until Monday and then we hit the ground running.

Love to you all and I will keep you updated!

Our First CT Scan

We finished our first CT scan and we finally have some good news that we are moving in the right direction.

There are no signs that the cancer has metastasized any further. What a blessing to end the year on.

Tomorrow is our meet and greet with our radiologist and we are hoping for s short cycle of radiation, but we will take whatever we get.

I’ll be sure to post an update tomorrow for family and friends – say a prayer for us tonight and blessings to you all!

Chemo Brain – Fact or Fiction

When you go for chemo orientation, they introduce you to Chemo Brain – this is an actual, bona fide side affect of chemo therapy. Sometimes you become a little forgetful and may not be able to recall a certain conversation.

If you think about it, chemo kills all the cells including those hard working little brain cells, so it’s a miracle you can remember to put your underwear on the right way! ;)

This is where it is helpful to have a system – have a calendar exclusively for treatment and get yourself one of those pill boxes that will allow you to sort your meds by day and time.

If you are in a supporting role for a cancer patient, make sure you take the time to review the meds necessary for chemo treatment. You are the extra set of eyes – it’s good to let a cancer patient do as much as they can on their own, but there is nothing wrong with secretly double checking!

Chemo brain can be contagious. There were days that I could not remember if I fed the dog (or my husband) and while I could rattle off my mother’s information for all those flipping forms, I had to stop and think hard to recall what street I lived on!

I think it’s your body’s way of de-cluttering itself in times of stress. It was almost as if my brain would auto-delete things that were not important at this particular time. Thank you brain cells for putting things on auto-pilot and helping me out!

Helpful Hint:

Be prepared once chemo starts – there are days that you might have to repeat yourself, medical instructions or have the same conversation. Be patient; while you may think it’s frustrating … imagine how a cancer patient must feel.