The Ballad of Jed Clampett

Blog entry submitted by my radiation wingman, and brother...Andy

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Day eight is under the old belt, after a few weather delays because of ice and snow. Certainly not enough snow by northern standards, but enough to cancel school classes and radiation treatments. I was beginning to think that the weather gods were working against us. Like school though, radiation treatment has makeup days that they add to the end.

On the trip to Med Cities today, mom and I took the family staff car. The Caddy! We made some pretty good time and got her right in. As we pulled up, I thought we had forgotten the blue handicapped rear view window hanger thing-a-ma-jig. Nope, mom had it in her purse right where she put it earlier. A mother’s purse; that bottomless pit of a combination toolbox, lunch box and medicine cabinet. Felix the Cat WISHED he had a bag of tricks like mom’s bag. We talked about that blue piece of plastic in the parking lot for a while. I looked at it like the golden nugget of seniordom! Better than a get out of jail free card. Mom on the other hand saw it as a written realization that yes in fact, you’re getting older. I read somewhere that pretty soon there will be record numbers of persons living on the planet over the age of 100. God bless, we can only hope to all be so lucky. Just as long as quality of life is there, we should all hang around as long as we want.

Mom and I talked about how important music has been and continues to be in our lives. As children, mom was always singing around the house. Pop, the “gotta have it now” audiophile that he is (now I know where I get it from), always had something playing on LP, reel to reel, 8-Track or cassette. On the way back from Dallas today, we had the radio in the staff car cranked. Almost in concert, mom and I both started with a slight head bob. Nothing too obvious at first to jar the delicate “chemo-brain” as she and Val call it. Just keeping time with the music. Then it got a little more intense, more feeling, all together front back front back, neck roll, and shoulders bending, booties shaking. Looked like something from Bill and Ted’s next adventure or a Blue Man Concert! See, music again playing a roll in the world according to Longo.

But back at the hospital before we left, as mom was walking to the treatment room, it hit me! I think the biggest frustration with Cancer or any illness is the lack of control. Now mom and I are not control freaks by any means, but there is frustration in not being able to do what you want to do. Be here at this time for this treatment. Go here at this time for this test. I guess this is why neither of us is a great airplane passenger. I don’t want to be in the back by the bathroom. I want to be up front and know that God forbid anything goes wrong, I did all I could to save me. After all, it is all about ME. (just kidding).

I think Cancer takes that control away from you for a while. We talked about how after she got sick, then pop, everything else that once was a part of who we are as a family was put on hold. All your energy, strength, power, will, prayer and support is now focused on regaining the health of the one who is sick and in turn regaining control. When we got back to her house, she got a little sad that her nice back yard now had a few weeds. Hey it’s winter! But I knew what she was trying to say, it wasn’t like it was.

Which is why sometimes, just sometimes, you gots to ( Brooklyneese) turn the tables on Cancer. Just when it thinks it has you down, feeling low, you have to screw with its schedule and fight back with levity and silliness! This happens to be my specialty. As you can see in some of Valerie’s prior photos, the nut does not fall far from the orange tree.

So right after signing in, as we walk hand in hand to the double doors, I break into a chorus of the Ballad of Jed Clampett. Jed as in Beverly Hillbilly, cement pond Jed. Thinking mom is going to give me “the look,” although I wasn’t sure if it would be one or two eyes. But the “look” never comes. Two more steps and I know it is laying in wait. No look? What the &%$*#?

Then it happens. A DUET! Both of us are singing and surprisingly enough, mom knows the damn words! We look like Dorothy and the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz on the yellow brick road skipping to the words of a 1960’s sitcom! Mom even admits she liked the show.

So as you read this entry today, I am going to change the format and offer an opportunity for audience participation!
Scroll down to the lyrics, warm up those tonsils and be you solo or in the company of your best duet partner, belt out the lines to that great American T.V sitcom and screw with Cancer! Hit me one time as Brother James Brown would say, and sing like you’re trying out for American Idol!



Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named JedPoor mountaineer barely kept his family fedThen one day he was shooting for some food,And up through the ground come a bubbling crude(Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea)Well the first thing you know old Jed's a millionaireKin folk said Jed move away from thereSaid California is the place you oughta beSo they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly(Hills that is, swimming pools, movie stars)


I close in the words of that great comedian Red Skeleton: “And may God Bless” For we should never take any of His blessings for granted.

Andy