Coulda Shoulda Woulda

It has been a rough few days at Casa de Longo. My mom’s oldest brother, Bob, passed away. This is the same brother who recently celebrated his 90th birthday with a party - the one mom could not make because she was in the hospital.

My dad called me on Saturday and asked me to come over. I don’t think anyone really had the heart to tell her. It was probably the hardest thing I have had to do. I think we were all afraid that she would feel guilty because she was the only sibling not there at his party. That was one of the things she said when we had to cancel the trip, she said that she felt deep down in her heart, that she needed to be there. It’s going to take her awhile to realize that she can’t beat herself up for not being well enough to attend. Sometimes illness robs you of the ability to do the things that you desire most – one can not be faulted for that. But I understand where momisan is coming from.

I called Andy and he came right over with the girls and we spent the evening with the parents and mom shared some of her fondest memories of her older brother. It’s amazing how much she remembers – there’s eighty years of memories in that brain.

Andy went by to check on mom this morning and I went by around lunch and spent the afternoon with her. She was upset when I got there, but that’s another chapter in a completely different book – it’s just a pity that she has to read it now when she is grieving for the loss of her sibling.

Mom and I were discussing mortality today. I think anytime someone close to you passes, it is natural to take inventory of your own life. She asked me if there was anything that I wish she would have done differently. While there were times that we did not always see eye-to-eye, everyone has there disagreements and no family is perfect, I told her that I would not have changed one, single thing. She has been a wonderful mom and while we have grown closer over the past fifteen years, this battle with Cancer has cemented our bond. Even Andy sees her in a different light and knows that Cancer has given us a special gift that we will cherish and share forever.

I have no idea what the secret of life is. Every one has a different interpretation. But mom made a comment today that made me think. She said “You only get one ride on this attraction called life, so you had better do your best to get it right the first time.”

I don’t think mom meant that you had to be perfect, because no one is perfect, but I think she meant that you do your best to do the right thing so at the end of the day, God forbid if something were to happen, you are not standing there saying “coulda, shoulda, woulda.”

Our prayers are with my mom’s extended family for the loss of a brother and for my Uncle Bob’s family as they deal with the loss of a husband, father and grandfather.

I pray that my mom will find peace in the next few days and that she comes to realize that even though she did not get to be with her brother on his birthday, that he understood and he knew what was in her heart just as much as she knew what was in his.

Live your life with kindness and love and be there when you are needed most so at the end of the day you don’t have to worry about “coulda, shoulda or woulda.”

Blessings to you all – We love you!

Val